ithinkminh

When was the last time I was happy?  Does my life just suck like grass?  Is my life just a chain of unfortunate events?  Life is full of misery, just look around you.  People are sick, student loans overwhelming, cars need fixing, kids are crying, flowers wilting, and puppies are dying.  Even the Greeks are having their own Greek tragedy.  It does feel like there is a gray cloud of doom and gloom on the horizon. 

This morning, when I woke up to get ready for work, something didn’t seem right. My body was aching, and I had a slight headache developing.  Brushing off these physical signs of fatigue, I slugged my way to work.  As soon as I got to work, I made a beeline to the bathroom because I was feeling so nauseous and dizzy. My head was throbbing, my neck was stiff.  All I could think of was wanting to be at home, to be in bed, to be asleep, to end it all.  After what felt like a tormenting 10 minutes, I went back to my cubical and dropped two Excedrin into my mouth.  As the pills were washed down with water, I read the label (temporarily relieves minor aches and pains dues to headache and muscular aches.)  A shotgun would have done the job permanently. 

It’s precisely at moments like this when I think to myself.  Self, just be happier and healthier.  It’s the simple victories in life that makes life worth living.  Yesterday, I was laying next to my husband.  He looked at rest, content, happy.  He was already half asleep; I told him I loved him, to which he mumbled something unintelligible.  I’m blessed to have found someone who loves me, just the way that I am.  I know that I can be difficult, moody, sensitive, pigheaded, contrarian, and downright stupid.  I have my moments. I have my faults, I’m fallible, and yet I have found love.  Thank you for loving me.  I have found love, I have received love, I have returned love (the thought of love temporarily relieves minor aches and pains).  

Happiness, just let go and be happy.  Staying in touch with friends, having honest conversations with family, going on a walk with puppy, having a glass of wine midday, tinkering with electronics, making colorful tasty food, listening to classical music, going grocery shopping at midnight, finding deals, hugs  and kisses, these are a few of my favorite things. 

My empty stomach is reacting to the Excedrin, that uneasy feeling of gloom and despair is upon me.   Soon my body will tense up, another beeline session to the bathroom.  The physical struggle to hold down the sensation to vomit.  Cough, gasping for air.  Fingers feeling limp, mercurial taste in my mouth, bloodshot eyes, knees hitting concrete, hands gripping head.  I’m having a migraine episode, it’s like having nail to your head, and needles  jabbed in the back of your neck.  Stressors of life, be damned, I just $#%ED myself.  Think happy thoughts, think happy thoughts. Cupcakes, clouds, puppies, cupcakes, clouds, puppies.