Dear Love,

Thank you for your kind statement on February 1. During this month of love and care, I have gone over the love terms with special consideration; I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to not love me anymore.

This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually large number of rejection offers from a variety of sources, jobs, scholarships, grades, sleep, and friends. With so much bombardment of rejection, it is impossible for me to accept all refusals.

Despite your outstanding qualifications and previous experience in rejecting previous lovers, I find that your rejection does not meet with my needs at this time. Therefore, I will initiate my love seeking ritual with you in mind. I look forward to seeing you.

Best of luck in refusing love,
Emo bf
ithinkminh

PS. You can break by heart, and I will still love you with all the little broken pieces.

Tags: Boy Friends, Male, Love, Hurt, emotion

This is me.

Tags: Romance, Hurt, Heart, Beauty, emotion, Gays

This week has been interesting so far as everyone else is concerned. I guess it has been great for me as well. I’ll start with the good news that I had received from other people.

My friend Jason got a job with Bose. And he informed me that employee discounts are up too 40% off. Can we say Bose products galore? Maybe, when I visit Boston over spring break, I’ll be able to pick up a few new gadgets as well. I’m really digging those Companion Notebook Speakers Series II speakers. And for 40% off, who could pass them up?

Another fantastic friend from Abraham Lincoln High School, Muriel got to perform at Carnegie Hall, and got free tickets to the Conan O'Brien taping show, and got shook his hand! I was like really? You were in New York and you didn’t even call me up? Oh well, people can forget things when they are in the front row of the Conan O’Brien taping show.

Then speaking with RIT friend Robert, he informed me that one of his friend made it to become a contestant on Survivor. Like seriously strange things happnen to people all the time, and yes, it could even happen to you, whether you want it to or not.

Finally something not so positive. My younger sister got all the money stolen from her purse. The culprit did have some comical personality though, they left $1. Funny huh? 0-o? NOT! Oh well they have bad stuff coming their way.

The cosmic balance does balance out huh? I really do believe that good things will happen to good people, in their own way. It’s best to never judge. Just like you don’t want other people to judge you. People are driven to do many things for extremely different circumstances and perspective. And for whatever reason it’s always the right choice at that moment. People use the best of their reasoning, emotion, feelings, knowledge, education, training, experience, and intuition to make the just in time decision against all odds. Of course, they wouldn’t sit there and analyze it like how I’m doing now, because that would be “OMZG” nothing could get done, the cycle of life would grind to a halt and all the fun and interesting spontaneity would die from ridged suffocation.

Tags: Balance, Life, Cosmic

Life is what it’s, time goes by and wait for no one. Some people live in the past, continuously analyzing what had taken place. Some live the present, and just feel the moment and nothing else. Lastly, others worry about what is to come, never really content with what they have no, just the what if, and what could occur.

Thankfully we are all a combination of past, present, and future. Our past defines who we are, our credit history, our sexual romantic relationships, our education, our friendship profile, our taste and consumer preferences. All these are a thing of the past that influences our present lifestyle. The job we have right now, the boss, the best friend, the zealous girlfriend, the deadbeat down the street, the dramatic office worker, and the neglected pet. The future can change one day at at time. We can X out every single one of those unwanted elements with our credit card. Money my friends, can buy a lot, it can.

2007 was a banner year. I lost a boyfriend, gained a new boyfriend, moved out of my apartment, gave up my favorite dog, made it into graduate school, live at a crazy house for 3 months, made an awesome trip to NYC to attend gay pride, worked 4 jobs at the same time, went home to see my lovely parents, started MBA school and rocked! Working for Banana Republic, the boyfriend and I moved in together, had a nervous breakdown revolving scandalous romantic notes, gained 2 new fantastic friends, play many hours of board games, went home to my family, the Tran family all 5 together one more time.

2008 will be a year of change and big change!
For starters, I will officially be done with this whole education business. That’s way too many years of school for me to even count. I’m just excited for that chapter of my life to complete. A little stepping stone that no one can take away, and a little check mark I can mark off my little list of things to do in life. In the end, I will have a piece of paper, it will be enough. Grades, come and go, it’s the paper that counts.

A JOB? Wow a job, I really would like to have several offers, but am content to just have one really good that to jump start my career so I can start to pay off some of this crazy pile of student loans. There is no question in my mind of my ability to land an awesome job in the big city. Get on my knees and pray for good luck and awesome change.

Investment opportunities will pay of. Seriously, I have never felt more financially secured in my life. I just need a little bit of money each month to break even, and if tough luck comes, I can always sell my high profile tech gadgets. I still have a powerbook, and a few other gadgets that are are good sales.

2008 could be a year of a new CAR! Yes, I really want a new card that’s automatic, I’m kind of tired of this manual business. I really just want to press the gas button and go. Is that too much to ask for? Well if I can buy a buyer for my current car, then I’m set to go. However, I really don’t want to deal with the transactional cost, and it’s just a mess. So wish me luck that I find a good buy and great sell. Wouldn’t that be nice?

Professional skills will come in handy, and surely of great strategic important. I have a new more basis to cover in the interpersonal arena. I really would like to strengthen my personal network and make it rock solid. I want to be indestructible, I want to be missed, I want to be wanted, even if that’s just for a few person. It’s totally worth it to me. That said I will have to spend more quality time with respectable people. I won’t have much time, so the people who I decide to vest my time with will be the ultimate challenge.

The little fishes have to stick together to fend of the big fish eater. Now men eaters I can deal with.

Tags: Money, Jobs, Lifestyle, Connection

Why it’s that we all want to be is beautiful? Some days when I wake up I feel sexy and hot. It doesn’t have anything to do with any activities that transpired from the night before. Other times, I feel like I don’t want to face the world and just hide under the four layers of cloud soft comforters.

This morning when I woke up, it was in a spring like motion. It had dawn on me that I had to get ready to go to work in this lovely Sunday, in fact every Sunday. Still, that feeling of feeling hot didn’t leave me. It doesn’t have anything to do with feeling horny to spanking it off. This is different. It’s not that raging feeling that I want to explode, just a satisfaction with myself. In addition, it always goes back to feeling hot, sexy, loved, and well exposed. I’m not an exhibitionist in anyway. Yet, sometimes I wished that I could model for someone, and just have my face and body be in front of a magazine for all to stare at.

On this curious day, I wonder what it would be like to be a porn star. There are varying degrees of being a porn star. I think it would be creepy if many people know what you look like in the nude, or if they actively seek you out and want to see you nude. I guess it’s the idea of being at the attention, or the idea of being the object of desire. It’s just human nature to want to be desired, and wanted. In Greek mythology, you have Aphrodite who is the goddess of love, the object of many men’s dream and desire. All men wanted to shag her. Then there are all of the other Greek god like Cupid, and Apollo. I guess all men would want to be shag by them as well.

I shall continue to reflect as to, what does it mean to be beautiful.

Tags: Relationship, Beauty, Balance, Love, Life, Lifestyle

Today was the third consecutive daytime that my boyfriend and I actually woke up together at the same time. Usually he’s an early riser and I like to sleep in mostly because I don’t like to get out of the warm comfortable bed. Well I usually go to sleep like one of those ginchgonch poster boys, so not wearing very much. It’ not commando, but it’s not very much.

My boyfriend usually tries to wake me up by being cute and making breakfast. He’s really awesome at making morning breakfast. In the past, I’m not a huge fan of breakfast, but recently I’ve grown to like them a lot more. My favorite meal is eggs and pancakes. Usually he would add some types of fruits into the pancake mix. Banana usually comes out well. I like to stir it while he greased up the pan with butter. I’ve also learned that cooling with butter makes things less sticky to the pan versus cooking oil. That’s just my experience though. He usually would make some sunny side face up eggs as well. And he does it just right so there’s still some egg yolk for toast inside. The secret is well waiting for the heat to cook the egg just long enough so that you can flip it to the other side without breaking the egg. It takes a gentle hand and a lot of patience.

I do love that we spend some quality morning time together, it may not seem like much, but we are sharing a moment, we are bonding. Consistency does well, it’s like giving a little budding seed a little bit of water and love each day, and later on along the road you get a steadfast strong oak.

So it would be a little bit heart breaking if he were to make some eggs and didn’t ask me if I wanted some right? Even if I didn’t want some, I would still love it if he would ask. Yesterday was one of those days, he didn’t ask me if I wanted to breakfast, and when I volunteered that I wanted some. He was frustrated and said that I wanted everything made for me. There is some truth to that. The punch line is that I just want him to do something special just for me. Making breakfast is like making love, it’s just another little intimate session between the two of us. The main ingredient of heat and oil is still there. And there’s always something stuck to the pan at the end of the session.

Tags: Personal, Love, Change, Choices, communications, Connection

Why We Choose to Stay with Someone?
I have not seen this friend of mine for a while. We connected last week when she found out from another friend that I am back in Bangkok. While our lovely conversation going on, she told me about the story of her last relationship. The relationship that was full of lies, abusiveness and disrespect. I asked her why she chose to stay when she was unhappy. She said she loved him wholeheartedly and thought that he felt the same. But finally when the reality hit hard and she realized that what she thought was a fantasy, she walked away. After that we had a very intense but constructive conversation about why we choose to stay with someone even though we know all well that the relationship is built on lies, abusiveness, cheating and heartbreak. I have some good friends in New York who still stay in this relationship even though they are not happy about it and I always ask them why. As our conversation went on, I came up with 4 reasons.
 
1. You complete me.
I still remember when Jerry McGuire says “You complete me” to his girlfriend and I was tearful by this scene. Psychologically we tend to look for something that we miss from someone we love either personality, fantasy or love. I believe someone can fill something we are yearning for but the most important thing is we need to fill a hole in our heart before someone can complete us. In other words, we need to love and value ourselves before someone does. We need to be happy for who we are and being independent before we enter the relationship. To find someone to fulfill our happiness is like chasing our own shadow, we will never catch it. Once we love ourselves enough, we will realize that we do not have to stay in this abusive relationship because we know that we can complete ourselves with or without him.
2. Wishful Thinking
My friend told me the reason she stayed in the relationship for three years even though her ex always lied and cheated on her because she believed one day he would change. People always have a wishful thinking that someone we love will eventually love us enough to change for us. The fact is that if he could not change then, why in the world he can change now or in the future? I am not saying that people cannot change. I do believe people can change but when it becomes a chronicle problem and we have to try to solve the same problem again and again, why in the world we want to bear the same heartaches every time we try to solve the never ending problems? Shouldn’t we be happy in the wonderful relationship?
3. Stuck in the name of love
We cannot choose who we fall in love with but we can choose when to walk away when enough is enough. Love is always an excuse of people who choose to stay in the abusive relationship. In my friend’s case, if her ex really loved her, he would not even think of having affairs with other girls. He kept saying how much he loved my friend but action is always louder than words. He blew her off many times just to find out that he was with other girls; she cried and always forgave him. What kind of love when he was cheating on her with another girl? What kind of love when he lied about everything? When you truly love someone, your mind should only concentrate on him/her not someone else. Remember, someone who loves you will never make you cry, someone who make you cry is not worth your tears!
4. I will never find someone else
This is a normal mentality of a lot of women, in particular Thai women who have reached her 30s. They choose to stay because they are afraid of not be able to find someone else. They would rather stay in this abusive relationship than put themselves in the market again. The fact is that to stay in this no future relationship, they are missing the opportunities of meeting new people. There are a lot of people out there who deserve us. When someone does not appreciate our contribution in the relationship, we should walk away and take a risk with new people. In this kind of situation sooner or later, he would dump my friend’s ass anyway when he finally found someone he liked more. So before he does it, we have to be the one who dump his ass and be called a “Dumper!”
She said in retrospect she was glad that she finally walked away. It was heartbroken at first but it was the right thing to do in the long run. What she was sad was just the pictures in the past and all the fantasy that she created with her ex but at least she does not have to be miserable the rest of her life.
Fortunately, I always choose not to be in this kind of relationship. I would swallow my own blood than beg someone to stay with me no matter how much I love them.
My friend was a beautiful person with all great qualities I admire. So at the end I told her I was glad too that she finally walked away from that situation. There are tons of people out there who will value for who she is and what she is capable of contributing in his life. And when the time comes, he will realize that it’s his lost not hers.

Tags: Dating, Relationship, Love, emotion

So I found this nifty diagram that explain the rules of relationship. There are two attributes. Physical Attractiveness is on the X axis and Mental Attractiveness in on the Y axis. Going high on any of these axis alone will result in a wanting a relationship with that person. And anything else in between, well could result in a relationship as well, just not the type that you are hoping for. I think that this diagram does a wonderful job of explaining why, friends can't be lovers, unless something really changes. And it really explains why when you see someone who's really attractive you just want to go to bed with that person, but nothing "relationship" wise can develop because the mental attraction just isn't there. Where are you on the spectrum?

Are you seeing that one guy who's brainy and average. You guys are bests of friends, and well, you can't ever imagine seeing yourself with your best bud. Hell, tell him to stop eating the cheesecake, and pull him with you the gym twice or three times a week. Why let a prince charing get away? He probably punch a hell of a pay stub as well. With in 6 to 9 months, you'll have the guy of your dream. Sweet dating ladies.

Now, on the other hand. If you have someone who really attractive and can't hold a licking conversation. Buying him Harry Potter, and reading Crime and Punishment isn't going to get you guys anywhere soon. But making it a routine to hit the books club like the local library, or maybe a poetry reading. And pack those magazine subscription. We're not talking Economist, or Fortune here. Start with like Readers Digest or something light. And reading the local newspaper is a great start too. You guys might even find your next dating location, or a music gig to attend, all the while supporting the local economy. Everyone WINS. and you get to try the buck first.

Tags: attraction